Article on Personal Growth #2

Sep 13, 2008, Learning From What You Can't Do

Darren's workshop started off in great form yesterday. We filled the venue up to the tippy top with hearts and ears that were open to the teachings, and so naturally, the sakti flowed.

I myself received a special teaching from the days events. As the room was full, and I was meeting many of the students for the first time, I chose to assist Darren rather than practice with the group. Even when Sabrina Rem, a co-teacher at Concordia Movement Center, offered to share the assistant's duties with me so that I could practice a little bit, I declined. I was so bent on seeing this project through to its fruition, and it was hard to step out of the drivers seat. It was like when you're on a road trip, and know you need a rest, but you keep passing the rest stops and mini marts. At least I do that, sometimes. And then I miss out on the pleasure of the journey.

Back home I had a little epiphany, presented to me in the form of one of its secret lives - the mini breakdown. I found my self trembling, full of emotions I couldn't explain - wonder and sadness, pride and self criticism, gratitude, resentment - you name it. My heart was pounding and my eyes were lit up. I hardly got any sleep. It was clear to me what was going on.

I had forgotten to to receive the offering of the moment.

The has been so much building toward this practice. I worked hard to be able to offer Darren to my students because his teachings are so strong and true. But after being ill for so long, my body needed to move. After all the energy building over the last 16 months, I needed to clear some. And though the opportunity was there, I passed it up.

Of course, there was plenty that I did receive. I had the thrill of achievement and the honor of being present at a very special gathering, and the beginnings of a community who's energy will shine infinitely back into my life. It was truly a joyous event, and assisting for Darren I always learn so much. But I forgot to check in, and take care of myself. I forgot to listen to my gut. And that was why I got sick in the first place. Silly.

Darren said it last night - we learn more from what we can't do, than from what we can do. And this morning I am humbled by the truth of those words.

So today I plan on getting on my mat and drinking in the glory of the Experience Expansion with Darren Rhodes 2008 Portland Workshop. I can hardly wait. If anyone wants to offer a pose that might exemplify the lesson I received today, use the contact page, and express yourself.

om namah sivaya

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